GRAVEYARD

[umbralant]

Graveyard

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GY: FAQ

Gatchapon

Reflexively, you curl tighter. Just another minute. Just another minute of sleep is all you need, but the sun waits for no one. Wait. The sun? After many days and nights with only moonlight to guide you, your eyes snap open and your pupils contract at the light.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Bask in this euphoria for however long it lasts, until your memory snaps back against your mind like a rubber band. Weren't you dead? No matter how you met your end, you certainly remember dying in vivid detail. The pain that corresponds to the last moment's of your life chooses then to make itself known, trying to wriggle free from your skin almost literally. That mark on your skin wasn't there before either.

Take a moment to breathe and get your bearings, and really take everything into focus. The warm rays of sun that dance upon your skin are colorful and fragmented like a kaleidoscope, the effect of being filtered through stained glass. Of all the places to wake up, it seems you're inside a church that's no stranger to you, St. Mary's Basilica. While the odds are good you've woken up with company somewhere near by, the glint of gold from the altar will likely catch your attention regardless—embedded deep in the altar stands a golden staff, two sculpted wings draped down its sides.

While some things are the same, and some things are different, there are still more questions than answers. But the inscription engraved into the roof of the ceiling of the Church, now visible in proper lighting seems rather apt: Welcome to Krakow (again).

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[tokihanate]

Because it's easy for them to experiment on powerless beings. If espers didn't have some human rights, they'd be experimented on too. Saa, even with those so-called rights, espers do get experimented on the down low because governments are willing to overlook that sort of thing. [ He has Very dark feelings about all this stuff. ]

[contrabandit]

Did they... do that to you, too?

cw: alcholism & child abuse

[tokihanate]

Me? No. But my mother volunteered to, back when research on espers was in its infancy and she died. My father, a normal and one of the scientists, was so filled with regrets he turned to alcohol and beat into me not to use my powers, as if turning off a part of me would keep me safe.

[contrabandit]

[ oh, that sounds familiar. his father turned to alcoholism, too. while he never laid a hand on elliot, emotional neglect is also a form of domestic abuse.

but that's not something he can admit easily. he runs a hand through his hair and gives hyoubu a bitter smile. ]

... Yeah, sorry. Adults should know better, but more often than not children are the ones to suffer their regrets.

[tokihanate]

[ He can read that you understand the feeling well Elliot, and it softens him again. It's so strange to have a lot in common with a normal but apparently it's happening a bit frequently. He gives you a soft smile. ]

No need to be sorry for me. It was a long time ago. He died when I was quite young too.

But the world is full of demons still who want to use children like I was or abandon them because they weren't what they wanted, so I try my best to rescue them and let them live as they should: free to be themselves and safe.

[contrabandit]

They’re lucky. [ he imagines growing up with hyoubu would be like growing up with the sunborns, a family full of warmth and laughter. free to just live and be happy. a safe place to just exist as you are, with no one to tell you that you’re lacking and impossible to love.

he’s a little envious of these children. ]

I mean it.

[tokihanate]

[ He gives a wry smile and pets your hair gently. ]

The world isn't safe yet. And it's not... always safe. Even with me.

[ And he holds the hand out to you instead. ] You know, I can see you don't think much of yourself Elliot, but people care about you more than you think they do I'm sure. It might not be your parents, but they're there. Family... isn't about blood.

[contrabandit]

[ he laughs awkwardly. ]

No, it’s not that I’m not much. It’s just that I’m too much and no one really knows what to do with me.

[ oh, he knows serene cares about him. and maybe luke. but he’ll never come first for them when they have each other. there’s no one in any world who would ever put him first. ]

You’re not trying to sign up to be my family, are you? The warnings in my contract aren’t even in fine print. They’re in all caps, bolded, and underlined. Multiple exclamation points. Buyer beware.

[tokihanate]

[ He rolls his eyes and takes your hand and squeezes it assuringly. ]

Don't be that silly. I can see that you're taken care of more than you think. And liked more than you know.

If we do get home, somehow, [ It's the first time he's voiced this, because he doesn't want to the hope to rise and overtake him. He lets go of Elliot's hand and his eyes look... alone. ] we're going separate ways, so of course you can't actually join me. Plus, we're a criminal organization you know, we do things you definitely don't approve of. But I think you do have a family from wherever you are, but you don't see it.

And I'd wish you well too, wherever you are.

[contrabandit]

[ how can elliot explain that he might have people that liked him, maybe cared about him, but it was impossible for them to care for him in the way family might. he’d been told so all his life. he’s bound to say or do the wrong things because that’s just who he is. so how can he find the proper words now? they would inevitably come out wrong, come tumbling out of his mouth in an embarrassing heap. and while he might wish all the important people in his life a home where they were safe and warm and loved, no one has ever wanted to be that for him. no one has ever wanted to offer.

not even hyoubu. ]

Well. [ a pause. ] Thank you. For saying so. I’ll figure it out eventually. Whatever you’re doing is very commendable I’m sure - even if it’s illegal. At the end of the day, it’s not about the law. It’s about doing what’s right.

[tokihanate]

[ He can tell he said the wrong thing. But feelings were hard for him too. How do you say, you already are my family but i can't take care of you because you shouldn't get close to me, I'll die sooner rather than later?

He'll scratch his head in a frustrated way and let out a groan of giving up.

Okay, he had to be an adult here.

So he grabs Elliot's arm and drags him to a more private location where they can't be overheard.]

Okay, let's try this again. We both have a lot of baggage but we're both not being honest. So, let's talk.

You can tell me about your story. Then I'll tell you the rest of mine. Even though you might hate me after and never want to hang out with this old man again.

[contrabandit]

[ do you really care? elliot wants to ask. but he's not an idiot. he knows the other man cares about how he feels. he just - he just doesn't know how to react when someone cares about how he feels.

it's not like he can lash out. but just talking about the things he'd rather not admit to, outside of the privacy of his own mind, after over a decade of keeping mum. it's a daunting task. ]

I don't - hm. What's happened has already happened and there's nothing you or I can do to change it. I just want you to know that I know all of that. You don't have to - you don't have to say anything to make me feel better. Okay?

[ somehow, that makes it easier to start. he tells hyoubu about his father. about growing up with someone who didn't want him. about being compared to a mother he didn't know - but he knew she didn't want him because for whatever reason, she'd left both of them. about falling short when it came to making friends and being liked. ]

[tokihanate]

[ Hyoubu listens patiently, nodding and frowning at parts. It's a familiar tale. Not just to him but to many of the young espers he knows. Many were casualties from wartorn countries but many were also just unwanted. ]

I'm sorry that they were awful to you, Elliot. You didn't deserve parents like that. And they certainly don't deserve you. You're a good kid, trust me. I know how it's like to want to belong too.

[ And he relates how after his father died he went to his father's friend, Tsubomi and his daughter Fujiko. How they loved him, but he still felt conflicted about how he should live. And how Fujiko was jealous of him being more powerful. And bullied him a lot. (the muttering about Fujiko's antics goes on for quiiite awhile) but eventually a man from the army had offered both of them a place in a special unit for espers. How Fujiko first protested but both of them went for it. How he wanted to be useful and accepted for what he really was. And how he found a family with them, how he looked up to Commander Saotome, almost like another father, and the dolphins and.... ]

The dolphins had given me a vision of the future. A war where espers fought humans for their freedom. And it was led by this beautiful woman in red. Red hair, a red coat. A red Queen. But she... let herself get shot. But a man, a normal, who she loved. And he shot her because he loved her and wanted to own her. [ His hands are fists at this. ]

... and time passed. One thing lead to another and my comrades died one by one. I inherited some of their powers, the ones who I witnessed dying. I mourned them. I fought in their places. Fiercely. But it wasn't enough. After the bomb... I had gone to my commander. I would've done anything. But he... found out about the visions from Ihachigo's brain that he had fashioned into a machine. He knew that I would start the war in the future and he wouldn't let anyone have me - a monster. So he shot me. [ He placed a hand on his chest. ] Twice here. [ Then brushed the hair from his forehead. ] then here.

And I rose from the dead, filled with hatred and want of vengeance. I rose and killed him. And the rest who helped kill my comrades. And even my sister went against me, teamed up with them, for the sake of the future, she'd say. But she helped found B.A.B.E.L....

[ And there's still so, so much to it but there it is. ] So you see, I am one of those fools who wants war like you mentioned.

[contrabandit]

[ he’s not good or kind, but thanks. ]

People have killed to save me, too. I always wish there could have been another option and we’ll never know now, but I’m alive. The kids you’ve helped are alive - hopefully, sorry if this segues into awkwardness in the event that they’re not - but that must count for something. And in a war, you’re constantly breaking off parts of yourself, aren’t you? That’s the price.

[ he’s trying to say he understands. he doesn’t have to like it to understand that’s how life works when men are greedy bastards. ]

[tokihanate]

[ He smiles, and wants to ruffle the boy's hair but doesn't. He look very tired. ]

That's the price indeed. [ Pause.] Adults are very stupid, you know. Children should be happy and live their childhoods, but adults are selfish assholes. [ And a very long pause. ]

... There was a man a few years ago that I met. He would've really understood how you felt too. He wasn't accepted by anybody. An esper who's ESP to nullify other esper's ESP. The normals didn't accept him because he was an esper. The espers mistrusted him for what he was. He was a spy who almost brought PANDRA down.... but he turned and saved me, and an innocent girl who was caught. And saved me again when I nearly died.

He didn't stay with us, even though I let him be an honorary member. He wanted to find his own way. [ There's an entirely lonely look that he forces to leave his face. ] But that's how it goes. People are free to do as they like. Find their own paths in life.

But it doesn't mean people still aren't connected, even if we never talk, never see each other. Bonds once forged aren't always so easy to break. [ He hopes you get that he means with you too Elliot. ]

[contrabandit]

[ he listens carefully to what the other man is saying, absently tugging at his impossible fringe. a nervous, thoughtful habit. ]

Ah - you still think of him often. [ the look on hyoubu's face says it rather clearly, but ] ... Did you love him?

[tokihanate]

[ A beat. ]

What? No! He's... a comrade, of sorts. He reminded me of myself when I was younger. [ He gives a hollow laugh. You activated the tsun Elliot...! ] Don't be ridiculous. He's more like, a plaything than any sort of romantic interest. And he's like over sixty years younger than me. [ And he's straight! Probably. He was probably oblivious to the sort of flirting they did. ] Preposterous. I haven't thought of him in years, in fact.

[contrabandit]

[ a-ha ]

What's ridiculous is how much you're denying it. [ not really his style to pull punches, but he's smiling sadly as he says it. no one took his love for serene seriously. he thinks it's sad that hyoubu can't admit to his feelings even in limbo land. ] You've really thought this through, haven't you? Reasons why you shouldn't love him.

[tokihanate]

[ Elliot, how could you do this to him...! ]

I don't...! He's just a stupid boy. He's fun to tease. [ And yet he keeps going. Also, he knows where he is and how he's doing, despite earlier protests. He's not saying any of that though! ] And anyway, being with someone old isn't good for anyone young. They'll just be left behind. And I'm already dead. [ So the point is moot. He's already left him, so no need to break Hinomiya's heart. That isn't interested in him in the first place! ]

Anyway, we're not talking about him here! I'm talking about you now. And you know you're stuck with me here as your family if we don't get out. [ Until the bad news arrives anyway. But also, you have to face this troll if you talk to other people about this...! ]

[contrabandit]

[ he ducks his head. ]

Yes, yes, I know. [ trying for fussy, but it comes out pleased. ] But we're not exactly dead in the water just yet. Don't give up on your love - and I won't give up searching for mine.

Anyway, I think there's a lot to be gained being in a relationship with someone much older than you. You look incredibly young, so bonus points there!

[tokihanate]

[ omg Elliot's giving him love advice, just strike him dead now, he can't live like this. ]

Or maybe love will find you, if you let it. [ So he's just!! Going to act like it never happened!!!]

[contrabandit]

[ oh, he’ll let it because he’s easy. ]

I’m used to doing things the hard way and being incredibly difficult the entire time.

[ the easy part is in there somewhere. ]

[tokihanate]

[ He pauses to give this the consideration it deserves.]

Have you tried dating an M?

[ this isn't the person to go to for advice.]

[contrabandit]

[ blank stare. ]

[tokihanate]

Someone who'll like the "being difficult" part. Even though they'll make a face and protest but concede way too happily.